Maturita 2013 - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...

It might be worth playing the music whilst you read this...just to put you in the mood ;-)

The good:
The standard of English at S.G.O. has always been very high, but I have to say that Kuba Kopriva took the theme of 'Family & home' to new levels! He was the last student in the first week, and was well worth the wait. His grasp of English is excellent, and to think that he is still only 19...wow! Just how far will he go? I have worked with a lot of excellent students in my 7 years, but Kuba's performance was one of the very best...if not THE best! Indeed, he is the winner of the 'Chuck Norris English Award for 2013'! 

The bad:
This is where I stop mentioning the students by name...for obvious reasons ;-) However, we had one failure in English this year, which is always a disappointment. The student chose 'Great Britain & Northern Ireland'. I knew it might be tricky when I began by asking if they'd ever been to the UK - they said 'no', and to my question of 'And where would you like to go in the UK?' they answered 'New York.' 
They began by talking about Stratford Upon Avon - and did a 'parrot speech' of William Shakespeare'...something Mrs T would have been proud of...only thing was, the theme wasn't 'English & American Literature'. We brought them back on track. The capital of England is...? They didn't know! :-O On being shown some pictures of famous English people, the student told us that the Queen is Queen Victoria II !! They didn't recognise the Beatles. 
One teacher asked about ways of getting to England from Europe. 'Air' was the simple answer. Then we got 'Ship.' They were asked if there was another way... Confusion played across their face, as if it was a trick question...the teacher moved a pen on the map between France & England... 'Is there something under the sea?' You could see the look of horror...('under the sea? There is something under the sea?!') Tunnel was not in their vocabulary... :-( 
We were also told that in Loch Ness there is 'a big animal'...
In a last desperate attempt to save the student (for no teacher wants a student to fail, really!), we tried to prompt for more information about places...we came back to Stratford...and William Shakespeare...and not even he could save them. That was bad. That was a fail. 

The Ugly:
This one didn't concern English...it was Civics. According to Mr Jelinek (who has been at SGO for around 25 years) it has never happened before (to his or anyone else's knowledge). But this student was caught red-handed with a cheat-slip while preparing for their Civics exam - which was sitting on the desk, in broad daylight - with no apparent attempt to hide it! A sad day. An ugly side to education. Ultimately, cheating proves nothing - only that you know nothing except how to cheat...
I sincerely hope that it will be the last time...

MATURITA MISTAKES 2013...

OK, here it is....(roll of the drums!!) - some of the funniest, unusual, and interesting mistakes of the Maturita Exams in English of 2013...

On the subject of 'New York & Washington', we were informed that 'the Statue of Library is on the island of Library'...

On the subject of 'The Czech Republic', we were told that “The Czech Republic consists of Bohemia, Moravia and Slovakia…” (surely a old style nationalist at heart?)

The same student then developed the theme...“The Czech Republic is surrounded by 4 countries, in the West is Germany, in the north is Poland, in the east (correct this time!) is Slovakia, and in the south is Australia…” (yeah, right...a loooong way south!)

The day before Yoda English Day, we heard this classic Yoda-style sentence... “Not enough strong…”

Back to New York...“In New York was a touristic attack…” Probably more dangerous that terrorists?! 

And further geography mayhem! “San Francisco is in the centre of the USA…”

It's always good when students give clever & intentionally funny answers! For example: “Why don’t you like shopping alone?” “Well, when I shop alone, I have to pay.”

Even Festivals get mixed up: “Americans celebrate Thanksgiving Day with a pumpkin…”

And staying with the Star Wars theme: “My dog talks like Chewbacca…”

Some students even create new words!! “My village is surrounded by foresties…”

In answer to Mrs Cesalova's leading question of 'What do you do when you get the weather forecast wrong and it rains?' (she wanted to hear, 'I take an umbrella') the student replied, “I let the rain fall on my head…” re weather forecast!

We also learnt that “In spring, the snow smells...? Smelts?”

One student had a real problem distinguishing the difference between 'beer' and 'bear' (the word he really wanted!) and so we learnt that in Australia there are “Koala Beers...” (made from freshly squeezed koalas?)  and that “In Canada there are winter bears...” (a simple enough mistake if you can't remember Polar Bear...but hey, are there really Polar Bears in Canada? :-O )

Some students couldn't remember the right word when they needed it...“In Prague there is a big time (astronomical clock)...”

And the same student had another geography blip: In answer to the question, “What parks are there in Prague?”, she replied “Hmmm...Hyde Park's in London, isn't it?”

Yes...choosing the correct word can be a problem: “In the US, football is played with a damaged (oval?) ball...”

Some students are clever enough to be very diplomatic...in a discussion about education & whether students should pay tuition fees for University, the student suggested that it might be a problem as only rich people could afford it. I said: “So, rich people are stupid?”, to which they quickly replied: “No, poor people are clever!”

A new challenger to Yoda English appeared this year...a golden oldie from the past! Cookie Monster English - “Me sometimes eat...me have sister...”

After a while, I came to the conclusion that some students were 'Grammar-Free Zones'! 

And to end with, one of the most amusing came in an exam with Mrs Cesalova, who (as ever) was fishing for a particular word connected with the topic of  Communications & Mass Media...I think she wanted something like 'broadsheets'...the student couldn't pick up on her train of thought, but said “It's made of paper - a Sheet of paper...and I said 'sheet'!” :-)

This time of the year...

What is this time of the year at SGO like for me? 
Well, as Gandalf says to Pippin - "It's the deep breath before the plunge..." 
Yes, Maturita oral exams are on the doorstep, but now is the lull...the waiting...and I've never really been good at waiting ;-)
This is the time of the year when most of my lessons have finished - yes - I have lost 10 hours a week since Last Bells came & went... But here at SGO, with 'freedom' comes 'unpredictability'. The regularity (which I get used to, and which I like) has now gone - and what looks like some free time to prepare for Maturita exams can suddenly be taken up with some 'suplovani' :-) But I'm not complaining about meeting new, and often younger, students...it's just that you can't really 'plan' for it - so I improvise a lot. 
But I also miss my classes - I have known most of the students for two years & over that time I have built up some rapport with them. But now it's gone...
On top of this, there is the new building. Almost from dawn till dusk (meaning the beginning and end of work ;-) ) - there is a monotonous drilling (which reaches into the deepest part of your brain, lodges there, and sort of numbs it...), banging & other sundry noises. I guess our 'kabinet' is not so well situated after all :-)
And the sun is shining! This is great news...but not when you're in an office for most of the day. I much prefer to teach...or examine ;-)
So...roll on next week, and let the games commence!!

OK...you try correcting this ;-)

I quite often get some essays which are outstanding in both their content & quality - however, once in a while, I get something like this...although it has to be said, this is quite extreme.

I will not reveal the student's identity - but even though it was full of mistakes...it made me laugh - really out loud! I'm sure by the time you get to the end, you'll understand why... ;-)

Here is the essay, as I received it:

"I love food. Every day, i have got a breakfast. During the week-end, I eat a pastry with hemenex. For lunch, I prefere a meet with potatos and for dinner, i prefer a vegetables.

I have got the most favorite three foods. I like a chicken with cheese and peach. My sekond favorite food is pizza. I like i pizza Hawai. It's a pizza with annas. My third favorite food is duck with cabbage. My mum cuck a duck durning Chritmas feasts. I hate a mashrooms and a tomato. My favorite word cuisine is French cuisne. I really like a cheeses. In French, there are a lot of types cheeses and in French, there is excellent creeps šitin chocolate. This is very good."

After such an experience...I can only refer to the Master...Stanislav...over to you ;-)

FUNNY ANSWERS TO TESTS Jan/Feb 2013

Well, it's been a long time coming, but finally (thanks to a couple of quieter days because of entrance exams), I have been able to compile a collection of the more amusing, even surreal answers, to some of the Tests that were given by me to 3rd/4th year classes back in Jan/Feb 2013. Hope you enjoy them!

Mr E

FUNNY ANSWERS TO TESTS Jan 2013

5 Current threats to the environment -

Oxid rain?

Unforestation

Czech politicians – they are a threat to everything except their wallets!

Exhausted/exhausting fumes

We have four period of year – spring, summer, autumn, winter.

Bungalow -

It's a house which you have when you are tired of city life and you want some peace

Bungalow is a house without floor

It's a house on the water

Detached House -

It is a house which has two front doors

Terraced House -

It's a house which neighbours look the same.

It's a house with a terrace

A type of house where is more stairs

It's a big house which it have many front door

Bedsitter -

I put a glass of water on my bedsitter

It's a type of flat, but bigger

It's a house which stay in suburbs, not in town

Small table next to the bed

A type of caravan where it is possible to live...

Somebody who sets the bed

A woman or man who looks after your child when you need someone to do it.

Someone who is a couch potato, you are bedsitter who do nothing.

It is something like a sofa.

It's the main room in our house, flat – we can watch the TV there or spend time with the family.

It's a peace of furniture where people usually stock some smaller clothes, blankets, etc.

Hamlet -

A local theatre is situated in the hamlet of this village

Masterpiece – author, William Shakespeare – theatre play :-)

I visited a theatre because they played a Hamlet. Hamlet was written by Shakespeare.

Very famous book from English authors.

It is an old building and the family live in the hamlet lot of generation.

It's a place that people living in many years ago.

The person who is interested in nature and growing.

Hamlet is some permanently inhabited house which stands alone.

It's a place around the village. Fresh air, nature. I really like our hamlet in our village.

Lodger -

It is place like balcoon (balcony?)

A person who lives in the lodge which is a small, usually wooden house, where a lot of people spend their weekends.

Landlord -

It's part of a place

Poacher -

I don't know it certainly, but is not it a wild pig or something like that?

It has some connection with a plant. Maybe it can be the upper part of some plant?

Person who hunts and kills people for meat, fur, and so on...

Thaw -

It is a part of the animal body but I don't know which one

A part of a tree

The part of an animal's body

Severe -

It is part in every bigger city, it is system of canalizations

Recipe -

That I say something nice about the product

Paper where are information, or where doctor write some kind of medicine

Paper when we have a goods what we need buy in shop

Something what tell us how to do something

Paper what you usually use to get a pain killers

On the back side of T-shirt

Something that we need when we go to the shop

Descripe, how you should anything thing

A piece of paper who I got if I buy a present

Receipt -

A paper where are advice

A piece of paper where is writing how is made of

Something what we do to know what we'll do

Some manual for cooking

Peace of paper hanging on clothes in shops showing us information about the clothes

For cookers, it says what you need to cook something

Small thing on clothes with symbols for washing, ironing and size...

Guarantee -

Something that we have, it's good for us, because we can do it easier

Prescription -

A paper which shows you how to use the thing you bought

A pre-description

Boast -

The act of making something bigger - “She had to boast her storing place, so it could accommodate all her new clothes.”

Unprecedented -

It can be unprecedented person who cannot do the right things, we shouldn't follow her in his or her ways.

Leak (context of environment) -

It should be everywhere, but in the context of the environment we probably speak about ozone leak. It is a big danger because a bad sunshine can comes here.

Nature more where is watter.

Landfill -

It's a person whose live in a flat and pay for it to landlord.

It's some part of atmosphere.

Stationer's -

You can buy toys here.

I guess that it's something like one shopes containing something of each other shops (you can buy parfumes, some biscuits, napkins) – just everything.

Greengrocer's -

In this shop you can buy some things for your garden, like some shovels, hoes, baskets, saws, or seeds and flowers.

A Stall is -

A corridor in a shop with shelves with goods

Well, I have no idea mm

A D.I.Y. Shop is -

Art shop. This shop visit young people.

Mugger -

Something like a theft, but bigger (like in a bank or house).

Explain the following terms in detail:

Living rough -

Not good life.

Thick-skinned -

Somebody have problem (like Wayne Rooney) that his hair are thin. He wants to have beautiful wavy thick-skinned hair. Like Jimi Hendrix.

Incompetent -

Someone who doesn't like competitions.