The art of thinking...

The art of thinking...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A funny joke...

Reading about the Pope's visit to England reminded me of this joke:
Schultzy was a man who claimed to know everyone that was famous in the world. There wasn’t anyone he didn’t know. He would sit watching the TV with his friend, and someone famous like Madonna, would come on the TV screen and he would point and say, “Oh yeah, Madonna, I know her!” It would be the same for whichever star came on the screen. This behaviour drove his friend to distraction, and after enduring it for some time he decided that it was time to confront Schultzy about the unreality of his situation. “Schultzy, you’ve got to stop doing this! It’s not real. It’s not true. You do not know these people. It’s not possible. Just who do you think you are?” “But I do know them,” Schultzy replied. “No you don’t,” argued his friend, “You’re making it up. It’s impossible for you to know all these famous people. You’re just a nobody!” Schultzy was hurt, but continued protesting, “I’m sorry, but I do know them!” Then his friend had an idea. “I’ll tell you what, if I can prove to you that you don’t know any famous people, will you stop saying that you do?” “OK,” Schultzy pondered. “How do I prove it?” “I’ve got three chances,” his friend continued “I’ll name three famous people, and if I can prove that you don’t know at least one of them, then you will stop this nonsense. Agreed?” “Sounds simple enough,” said Schultzy, “Who’s first?” “President Obama! You can’t possibly know him!” “Sure I do!” exclaimed Schultzy, and off they went to the White House in Washington D.C. They knocked on the door, which opened, and there was President Obama. “Schultzy!” he cried, “How are you doing? Come in!” he said, ushering him in like a long lost friend. Schultzy’s friend was astounded. They had tea and cakes with Obama. It was surreal!

After they left, Schultzy’s friend said, “OK, you got lucky on the first one, but I’ve still got two chances. What about the British Queen, Elizabeth? You can’t possibly know her!” “Oh yeah, me and Queen Elizabeth go back a long way,” replied Schultzy. And so, they flew to London, got a taxi to Buckingham Palace, and went and knocked on the door. The door opened and there stood Queen Elizabeth, exclaiming, “Schultzy, it’s so good to see you. How are you?” As it was nearly four o’clock she invited them in for cucumber sandwiches and tea and cakes, and Schultzy’s friend was in awe as Schultzy and Queen Elizabeth talked about old times…

This was too much for his friend. “Schultzy, I don’t know how you do it, but I’m determined to prove that you can’t know everybody. I’ve still got one chance… What about the Pope? You can’t know the Pope, surely!?” “Oh yeah, I know the Pope,” Schultzy responded, very confidently. So they flew to the Vatican, but when they got there, Schultzy said to his friend, “You won’t be able to come into the Vatican with me, but I’ll go inside and see the Pope, and him and me will come out onto that balcony there, we’ll give a wave to you, and then we’ll go back inside and I’ll come down and meet you here.” “This I’ve got to see,” said his friend.

He waited outside, and sure enough it wasn’t long before Schultzy and the Pope appeared together on the balcony, arms around each others shoulders, waving to the crowds below. When Schultzy had finished he came out to meet his friend in the square, but couldn’t see him anywhere. Eventually, he came across a group of people gathered around someone lying on the floor - it was Schultzy’s friend. He’d fainted.
Schultzy helped revive him and said, “I’m sorry if the shock was too much for you, but I told you I really do know these people.” “It’s not that,” said his friend, “But when you and the Pope came on the balcony, all the people around me were saying, ‘Who’s that guy in the white with Schultzy?’!”

Friday, September 17, 2010

Further adventures in Kaufland...

Yesterday had seemed an uneventful trip, until I got home. I unpacked all the food & when I got to the yoghurts I noticed that one felt a bit lighter...on closer inspection I discovered that the lid had been opened & half of the yoghurt was missing...presumed eaten! OK, my mistake for not checking properly...but the more I think about it, the more bizarre this sitaution seems... It's like someone ate it there & then! They had a discreet little snack (svačinka), & then closed it back up to make it look like it was untouched. I wonder what other food has been tampered with there?? No...maybe I won't go down that road! :-)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

When you can't find the words....

This was a gem...
Yesterday I was teaching the younger students in the French section. I'd asked them to learn some new vocabulary for their homework. Lubos came to the board and wrote 'imperfect' on it. I asked him to explain what it meant. He struggled to find the words - "I know what it means...but...hmmmmm..." "Ok," I said, "What does 'perfect' mean?" Again, another struggle - but once more he couldn't express himself. Suddenly, he went to his desk, picked up a cheap biro-pen, and came back to the front of the class. Holding the biro in his hand he said, "This is perfect...", then he snapped it in two! "This is imperfect!" I couldn't help myself laughing and congratulating his ingenuity & spontanuety & shook his hand. The class erupted into applause & laughter too. A classic moment!

Monday, September 6, 2010

An interesting way of learning a language...

Last week, I was meeting with some students at the Caritas organisation who will be working in the UK for 2 months. One girl was telling me how she used her English skills during the summer while she was doing her ironing! "I just speak English to myself," she said, "Talking about my day and so on." I commented that it was a cool way to do it, and perhaps it was just like praying. She replied, "Actually, I have also been praying in English because when I'm in England I will be staying with some 'sisters' (nuns), so I guessed it would be a good idea to learn how to pray in English. I suppose it's like 'praying in other languages'..."
I found this attitude very refreshing, even challenging (for me, as I learn Czech). It reminded me of when I worked at Caritas about 7 years ago, and I prayed with a young man who was having problems (he was a schizophrenic). I asked him if it would help if I prayed for him - as he told me he was a Catholic believer - he agreed...and so I did - in Czech! Grammatically, it was perhaps not one of my finest moments (I'd only been here for a couple of years) - but spiritually we 'connected' & I believe God gave him the peace that he needed just at that time...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Czechs at the checkouts

A weekly trip to one of the local supermarkets, 'Kaufland', has proved to an intersting & sometimes frustrating experince over the years that I have been living here. “Customer service” is an area with room for improvement here as a whole in Czech Republic, but moreso in “Kaufland”! If you are wheeling your trolley down an aisle and you come across a stacker who is in the act of stacking goods…then, you turn around and wheel back, and go all the way around to get to the other end of that aisle. Stackers are immovable objects. This is quite different to what I remember back in England, where not only the customer was 'right', but the customer was there to be served. Sadly, at Kaufland, I sometimes feel like I'm 'in the way' of the staff. Once I was looking for something which had been moved - (this seems to be part of a conspiracy by supermarkets all over the world, perhaps to prevent the early on-set of Alzheimers Disease...?!) and I came across a staff member who was concentrating on a clip board & a mobile phone at the same time...I asked where such & such was...without making any attempt at eye contact they replied - "Nemáme!" ("We don't have it!")

One of the worst days to go is when Kaufland has its 'special offers' (at the moment, Thursdays). Having been on this day at various times I came to the conclusion that it's best to go on another day! It seems that from when the doors first open at 7.00am, all day through, there is an endless river of customers...most of whom seem to be elderly, and who seem to thrive in rugby scrums as they grasp for the special offers! Trolly rage is a certainty! And I thought that this kind of behaviour was supposed to have finished with the fall of Communism back in '89... No. It is alive & well here in 2010.
 
And then after running the gauntlet you get to the checkout! It has to be said that Kaufland employs cashiers who are highly skilled and primed to operate at a ballistic speed. The rate with which they run your goods through the bar code scanner sometimes convinces me that tomorrow is most definitely not coming! No sooner have you unloaded your trolley, than it’s all been scanned, you’re fumbling for the money and trying to pack at the same time…and the next customer’s stuff is coming through too…and perhaps the one after, if he’s only got a couple of items! 

Then it's back to the car & unload the trolley & put it back in the storage space...but there's another problem, which I guess is a general human condition, not just a Czech one - laziness! There are usually 3 lines for the trolleys in the storage space...and you can guess which one people use - the longest one. A while ago I made a deliberate decision to walk the extra few metres to the shortest queue & park my trolley. Though there are some negative aspects to shopping at Kaufland, I can at least try to bring something positive there :-) Actually, I even believe (for now) it's one of the most important things that I can do - to be kind to the staff & customers there & make a difference...

Teacher SGO

Teacher SGO