What does it mean to be Czech?

OK, this is where we begin...I have a few thoughts to type up on this subject, but time is short at the moment...so let's get the ball rolling :-)
How would you define Czech-ness?
Are you proud to be Czech? Why/why not?
Other than beer, hockey & beautiful women - what do Czechs have to offer the world?
Any thoughts? :-)

Ok...here we are a week later...so, these are my thoughts :-) I do encourage ALL Czechs out there to challenge me...but these are observations (some of which my wife reminded me of!) that I've gathered over my 10 years here...

• Most Czechs have a problem with low self-esteem...however, they don't seem to like to boast much but perhaps like to be secretly proud :-)
• What is this habit of young Czechs (mainly guys) gathering together on street corners and spitting in a circle??!! Never seen this in England...!!
• Always easy to spot a Czech on holiday...especially if there is an open-buffet for breakfast!! They are surely hobbits!! They not only eat 3-4 breakfasts, but they also make snacks & arrange a picnic for later! :-o
• They like to complain, but are quite lazy to take any action...very apathetic when it comes to voting...
• Most Czechs appear to be atheistic...but some admit to praying when life gets tough ;-)
• Czech driving is bad...not as bad as the Slovaks (!!)...but BAD! And why is that?! Is it a lack of respect for the laws of the road? Or are they under so much stress?...
• Czech roads are becoming legendary....take a drive around Austria/Switzerland, blindfolded in a chauffeur driven car (of course!)...and when you cross the border back into Czech Republic...you will surely know! :-)
• Czechs are generally impatient when it comes to queuing...for a nation that used to queue a lot under the Communists, it seems this skill has almost disappeared... :-(
• Mushrooming...a VERY Czech past-time...
• Czechs (perhaps older ones) find it hard to throw things away...they hoard/collect things..."You never know when you might need it..." sort-of-attitude...
• Corruption...sadly seems to be part of the fabric here...though it is quite subtle at times...and other times it is quite blatant...almost expected!

However...it is NOT all negative!! :-)

• The Czechs tend to do more home-cooking than GB!! And it's very good too!
• Czech beer IS great...though Czechs do tend to drink too much of the stuff sometimes...but it IS CHEAP!
• David Navara!! - https://www.facebook.com/notes/chess-news/a-statement-by-david-  http://chess.ugrasport.com/?p=3160navara/206678022728975?ref=nf  - I guess if I have a Czech hero at this time it is this young man :-) Worth reading what happened...
• Czechs can be helpful to foreigners...and friendly...when I first moved here with my wife, a lady in church (who had never met me) made me a Babovka cake... :-) 
• Czechs are very appreciative when a foreigner tries to speak Czech :-)
• Medical care...on the whole, I think it's better to get ill here than in the UK... ;-)

OK...there's surely enough there to stir up some thoughts/reactions....what say you Czechs?! :-) 

An example of a quick learner...

This morning I taught a class & we were looking at specific problems that Czechs have with the English language. One of them concerns the word 'sympatik', which some Czechs use an an English word - though there is a slight difference between the meanings. 'Sympatik' from a Czech point of view means 'kind, friendly...nice' - whereas the English word which sounds like it - 'sympathetic' means 'expressing or feeling or resulting from sympathy or compassion or friendly fellow feelings'...a sort of understanding of someone's problems...
Later in the lesson, one of the students mobile phones 'peeped'! I proceeded to pull out a yellow card to punish Van the Man (the offending student)...to which he responded by saying, 'Mr.Everill...could you be sympathetic to me?' !!!
I was surprised by his quick-wittedness & charm....and seeing how he'd learnt what I asked him to, I did indeed show some sympathy & let the incident go :-)
It is so encouraging as a teacher when a student grasps something new!!

the right place...at the right time...

One of the treats of our trip to Wales (amongst many!) was seeing an otter. Dave & Hilly had told us of their joy of seeing one the last time they were there, by their bench (as they called it) by the River Wye. Dave had uttered a simple prayer - 'Well, Lord, now would be a nice time to see an otter...' - and what do you know? They did!

It seemed too much to hope that we would be able to share the same experience with them - in the same place. I mean, what are the odds on that?! (I used to be a betting man in my youth - and let me tell you, it's very, very unlikely, when you take into account that otters don't run by timetables etc as we humans do...!) So, on our first evening at the caravan site we took a walk by the river...got as far as the bench...saw some birds...but no otters. We ambled back slowly, a little disappointed, if I'm honest...but a river is a river, and there was still hope...we were about halfway back when I saw the otter. A very quick glimpse, mind...but I was the only one who'd seen it. But it was only a few seconds...Then Dave saw it on the rocks further back! Our gazes were turned there instantly...but too late...it was gone! We lingered in hope by the river...and we were not disappointed! The otter came back to where I'd first seen him - popped his head up (we all had a clear view!) as if to say 'who are you guys?' - and then being satisfied with his curiosity, disappeared for the last time. Believe me - joy is best shared! Seeing it on my own was one thing - but for ALL of us to see it...well, you can't beat that!

After that, I was determined to try & see the otter again. Each evening & morning I would take a walk...and yes, Petra & I were rewarded with getting up at 6.00am (!!) to go down by the river - not only for the beauty of the misty morning...but at Dave & Hilly's bench, we saw the otter downstream - this time he was clearly fishing for his breakfast...diving up & down like a roller-coaster in the river... We didn't see him catch anything, but we did enjoy the beauty of watching him.

As I said earlier - what are the odds of that?! Not just once - but twice! I have only seen an otter 3 times in my life before that - and one of them was a sea otter in Scotland! But I do believe that God gives good gifts, and part of this is being in the right place at the right time. You just can't plan that kind of thing - it doesn't work that way. But I can trust God's character - that is far more reliable.

I know some people might think, 'well, nice story...but it's a bit of a coincidence, that's all...' I gave up believing in coincidences a while ago - now, for me, there's only God-incidences ;-)

Friendship...and how I became a birdwatcher...

We recently enjoyed a wonderful week in Wales with our old friends, the Burridges. Dave was my very first Christian friend, all those years ago on Castle Vale back in 1983. I was best man at his wedding to Hilly - they have now been married 24 years! Wow! It makes me feel a little old, I guess...but also very grateful for our friendship. We certainly don't see each other as often as we'd like to - distance, jobs, life etc - all of it seems to combine & means that (in the words of Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle')- 'there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them...' But the wonderful thing about friendship, especially our friendship, is that when we do meet up, it's just like putting my slippers on. It's comfortable. I feel relaxed. I don't have to impress, prove myself, pretend - all of that other stuff that we often have to plough through to find our way to a truly good & open friendship.

I remember the first time I met Dave. I was at a prayer meeting at the local church which I'd just joined. I was fresh from making my first step as a follower of Jesus (having gone forward at the Billy Graham Rally at Villa Park). I discovered that there were to be 2 separate prayer meetings - one for the 'more solid/mature/regular' believers...and one for us 'novices' ;-) Needless to say, our meeting was a quite affair. Half a dozen new believers with little idea of how to pray, what to pray etc can only make for a time that is less noisy than a trip around the local library...
However, that in the next room was Dave. Unbeknown to me at that time, this was Dave's first visit since he'd recommitted his life back to Jesus. He'd been involved in drugs - hard drugs...and God had healed him, taken him through the horrors of cold turkey without so much as a sweat...and he was, back on the road again. I heard him pray, "Oh well, Lord, here I am again..." - and that was the beginning of a really open prayer. I mean, I just did not know you could pray like that...I just had to meet this guy. And so began a very long friendship. I have know some people longer than Dave - but I have to say that the friendship with Dave is surely the deepest and the longest that I have. We've been through some things together...

Interestingly, it was Dave who ignited my love for birds. We were out walking at Plants Brook Park in Birmingham (when it was rough & ready)...a keen birder, he had his binoculars with him. We were talking about lie and stuff when he suddenly stopped and adopted (what we call in the trade) the 'twitching pose' - he'd seen something & was gazing at it through his binoculars. It was a kingfisher. He handed me the binoculars. I saw the most beautiful bird I'd ever seen - electric blue, glowing orange...diving into the water and back up to its perch above...I was hooked! Since that day, my love for bird-life has grown. Indeed, it was something of a compliment to be told on this trip by Dave that now perhaps Petra & my knowledge has surpassed his (though I doubt that...).

Certainly, my best friend is Petra, my wife - and that is how it should be. But I realised on this trip that what I have with Dave (& this includes Hilly, his wife) is something that can't really be measured. It grows, even if we don't have face-to-face contact. I am thankful for the wonders of modern technology - Skype, Facebook, E-mails, mobile phones...but you can't beat real friendship. It takes time. It sometimes comes where you don't expect it. And yes, it continues to grow. We all need close friends - I remember this every time I watch 'Shawshank Redemption' - and I'm glad for my friends...especially Dave. :-)

Blame...

I haven't posted for a while...there's lots of stories to tell & hopefully they will spill out over these pages in the coming days, but there is one theme which is sticking itself into my mind like a thorn - blame.


Over the last week I've heard a couple of 'personal' stories which are based on situations (for reasons of privacy, I won't reveal too much detail) where injustice is at work. Two people have been accused of doing something (in isolated incidents) which is almost certainly not true - one is to do with a 2-yr old driving accident, & the other is over something medical. What is clear to me is the need on the part of the 'accusers' to blame someone for the results of each incident - or 'alleged' results...(depends on the point of view, of course...)


When life is so 'random' (which it clearly is, if you have no belief in God), and things just don't work out as you think they should, then what do you do with that? It seems like an integral part of our human make-up - we have to find someone to blame. We can blame family, extend it to friends, generalise it to include the government, society...hey, even the dog/cat...weather?! There seems an inability to take responsibility for our actions, or even our part in something...it's always someone else's fault...


As a Christian, I am aware that this characteristic has been around for a very, very, very long time. Way back in the Garden of Eden we can read of the first instance of blaming someone else...
Adam & Eve have been advised by God that they can pretty much do what they want...BUT they 'should not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden'...not even touch it...or they would die. Fairly clear instructions. Along comes the serpent (representing the devil, or evil one) and he puts the seed of doubt into Eve's thinking...'Did God really say that?' The seed finds root...Eve takes a bite, gives some to Adam (who is standing there)...he takes a bite...and it's game over. God comes along, asks what's going on...(like he doesn't know!) - and Adam's reponse?! “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” In other words - 'Not my fault! Nothing to do with me! You put her here with me! It's your fault!' (At this point in the story, I wonder what would have happened if Adam had have said 'Fair cop! It was me!' ?? Better still...if when Eve had passed him the fruit he would have said, 'No way, lips that touch that shall never touch mine!' :-)) 


Eve's response? “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” - and there we have it - the first & original example of blame-shifting! :-) And who says that sin is NOT hereditary...?! Be honest with yourself - when was the last time you DID NOT blame someone else for something? Better still - when was the last time you took the responsibility for some 'mistake/error/fault'? 


The horrific events over the weekend in Norway also highlight this tendency of the need to blame someone. Well, you would think it was cut & dried. They have the mass killer (for once he hasn't killed himself). But no. Now people want to blame the police (they weren't quick enough), the organisers of the camp (why was there no better protection?)...on and on it goes...And I wonder how many of the families concerned are blaming themselves for letting their children go to the event...? 


A quick search for some quotes to do with this subject has brought up these:


We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until... we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say "I lost it."  ~Sidney J. Harris


When you blame others, you give up your power to change.  ~Author Unknown


I know I'm probably just rambling & my thoughts are not as coherent as I would like them to be...but I leave you with this one:
If you mess up, 'fess up.  ~Author Unknown

Another school year comes to an end...

...and it's time to reflect over the past year :-)
Forgive me if your name is not mentioned - it doesn't mean that I think any less of you & your input in the lessons that I had with you (whoever you are!)...but here are some highlights that come to mind, just glancing at the class lists in front of me...

• Šary's (4A) much-appreciated hug when I'd had some bad news...purely spontaneous - a 'God-moment' for me - He knew I needed that!
• Radek Buriánek arm-wrestling with Maurice (from Kenya) AND winning 2-0! Awesome!
• Staying on the arm-wrestling theme - Soňa Nárožná getting turned over by Adéla Valková!
• Adéla Valková coming to 4B's lesson (Dream Team) on a Friday afternoon, and being prepared to speak to the class (with NO preparation) on 'problems with learning English' - a stunning performance at such short notice! (Marty's famous quote afterwards...Me:"Wasn't she very good?" Marty: "I'm in love...." :-)
• Radek 'Pavlis' Pavlačka - when I asked the class to invent something & present it to the class...and his awesome 'Stargate Beer Maker' invention! :-)
• Honza 'Mr. Gilmour' Krempl's wonderful rendition of 'Whatever Come to Pass' by the Kevin McDermott Orchestra - a great piece of music :-)
• Lukáš 'King Charles' Mazoch dancing with Maurice (sure, Vadim Janovskij & Radek Buriánek did it too, though I wasn't too sure about Vadim...! - but Lukáš was excellent!)
• Aleš Dvořáček's discovery of beer...in the past he'd been a bit of a loner - a quiet guy...then he went out with some classmates & enjoyed some beers...and quickly moved from the name of 'Jimmy Three Beers' through to his current one of 'Jimmy Six Beers'!!
• Dan 'The Butcher's Man' Řezníček - when told to ask Ondra Šulík a question asked: "Are you gay?" Much to the shock of Ondra! :-)
• Roman Vrana's performance in the School Maturita Exam!
• Tereza Zavidilová's performance in the State Maturita Exam!

(more to follow!)

Marriage symbols

Over the past few weeks we have been to two marriages - one in Bratislava & one in the delightful surroundings of the Botanical Gardens in Olomouc. What impressed me were a couple of symbolic activities that emphasied the beauty of the big step that both couples were making...

At the first in Bratislava - Nick & Miska were invited to the front of the church where there was a 3-pronged candle holder, with 3 unlit candles. They were told to each take a candle which was then lit by the pastor, and then they were to light the remaining middle candle with theirs. Having ignited the middle candle, they were then supposed to blow out their candles and put then back in their places. (However, Nick in his zeal managed to blow out ALL of the candles! :-)) The symbolism represents the fact that their two separate lives had now become one - and that marriage is a mutual relationship - living for & encouraging each other both in their relationship and their walk with God.


The second marriage (Lenka & Tomas) in the Gardens was wonderful too, especially as it had to compete with regular cannon blasts (from the nearby war re-enactment camp), and also the musical warm ups of the approaching Beer Fest Rock Concert :-) Getting married outdoors is always something of a risk due to the weather, but thankfully, other than a couple of threatening drops of rain, it remained fine. The symbol this time was a pair of locks - the locks were locked together & given to the couple to represent the fact that 'what God had joined together, let no man separate'...the keys from the locks were then to be tied to a helium-filled balloon and let off to soar into the sky...sadly, the weight of the two keys seemed to be too much for the balloon (perhaps more helium was needed?)...so the keys were cut off (presumably thrown away!) and the balloon was released...and fly away it did!


Even though (funnily enough) both symbolic events were not quite performed as it was hoped they would, for me, they still remain very powerful images - reflecting something of the unity, stability, love, trust, and strength that Christians believe (& hope) that marriage can be. Oswald Chambers once wrote:"Marriage is one of the
mountain peaks on which God s thunder blasts souls to hell or on which His light transfigures human lives in the eternal heavens."

Yes...it is that serious...

On Superheroes...

As a child my hero was Batman. I don’t mean the modern, sombre, mean and moody, leather-bound version, but the original dynamic one; the ‘Caped Crusader’, as personified by the one and only Adam West in the famous sixties television series. I loved it. It was one of the highlights of my week to see Batman and Robin bring those dastardly villains to justice, and with a flourish, punch a gloved fist into the other gloved hand and say, “Holy cow!” Among so-called 'Superheroes' Batman was unique in that he was a superhero without any obvious natural super powers. He didn’t have x-ray vision, possessed no superhuman strength, no stretch-ability, couldn’t turn invisible, and wasn’t given to moments of spontaneous combustion. He was an ordinary guy (albeit a millionaire) doing good in his local community. But he was also highly intelligent and clever, and used some very sophisticated gimmicks. And I loved gimmicks!

Who could ever forget the scene from the original ‘Batman’ film where our hero is hanging on a rope ladder from a helicopter above the sea, suspended from a helicopter with a huge shark, albeit a rather unrealistic looking rubber one, attached to his leg. Robin, who was flying the helicopter, had to climb down the ladder (which begs the question that adults always ask at this point, but NEVER kids: Who was flying the helicopter?!!) and deliver some much needed 'shark repellent' (which just happened to be in the helicopter). A quick spray and the beastly shark disappeared into the sea from whence it came, only to explode. It had been fitted with a bomb by Batman’s enemies, which was intended, of course, for Batman. But even then, Batman had time to express his compassion as he lamented the death of the “poor innocent beast” which had been primed to bring about his doom. (watch it here!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_B_n-Rbros)

My brother and I were hooked on Batman. One Christmas, I was given a Batman outfit and my brother got a Robin one. Robin was Batman’s faithful sidekick – also known as the ‘Boy Wonder’ (or the ‘Boy Blunder’ as the Joker, arch-enemy of Batman, would cruelly call him). I was also kitted out with some much needed accessories, such as the Bat-utility belt, and the Bat-hook, which was used for climbing up the sides of people’s homes. It was with some dismay that I learnt, many years later, that my superheroes didn’t really scale the sides of those big tower blocks… In all reality, they were walking on level ground and bending over, pulling on a rope, and only making it look like they were climbing upwards. So when people poked their heads out of the windows of the tower block, which they were inclined to do sometimes, they were actually standing straight up, with the window above their head. I also made my own Bat-torch which was used for displaying the Bat-sign as a warning to would-be villains, by pasting the figure of a bat over the lens of the torch. It was very effective. And as the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder, my brother and I would roam the streets near our home in Handsworth (Birmingham), meting out justice and doing good to the citizens of the land, in order that all would sleep easy at night, and with much punching of our gloved fists into gloved hands, cries of “Holy cow!” echoed into the night.

Now I'm much older...and hopefully a bit wiser...though there is still a part of me that yearns to 'right the wrongs' that I sometimes see around me. I don't like bullying, for example. As a young boy I was sometime bullied & didn't really stand up for myself. I wasn't Batman when I needed to be :-( But I'm also a believer in Jesus now. That has changed my life immensely...but what kind of a 'hero' is he?! Over the last twenty odd years, Jesus has gradually become my hero. It’s easy to watch great films like ‘Braveheart’ and ‘Gladiator’ and to be inspired by heroes such as William Wallace and Maximus. They are brave. They are heroic. They give their lives that others might taste freedom. They want their followers to really live. They are also very similar to the character of Jesus Christ. If you don’t believe me, try watching Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion’ without being moved. If it doesn’t move you, then I would seriously question whether you are alive or not! Mel Gibson has captured (and some might think a bit too graphically) very dramatically the pain and suffering that Jesus went through on his journey to death by crucifixion. It is gut-wrenching. Why did he choose to go through such a nightmare scenario? Because he loved each one of us so much. It was his sole motivation. What you see in this film, amongst the blood and the gore of Jesus’ suffering is love in action. Jesus doesn’t just come along with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates to show his love for mankind; instead he goes to the cross for us.

But there is another special quality – or superpower – to Jesus, and I was reminded of it when we were in Prague a few years back visiting Petra’s sister, Marta, and her husband, Ondřej, and their two children, Noemi and Daniel. One evening, Noemi and Daniel had fallen out over something, as children do, and Ondřej was attempting to get them to make the peace before the sun went down on their day. Usually, Ondřej could handle it very well, but this evening – well, they were really going for it. He came and asked us to go in with him and to pray for them. I was a bit surprised by his request. I’m not a father, and what do I know about raising children? But we obediently went, and all of us adults were gathered around the two bunk beds where the two protagonists were still whinging and crying and slinging accusations at one another.

As Ondřej began to pray, I stayed with my eyes open, wondering what I was doing there – and then my eyes fell on the little Velcro dartboard, the type that the little Velcro balls stick to…suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration as I was reminded of something that I heard years ago. I asked the children to be quiet, and with Petra translating, I began to speak to them. “None of us like it when people say bad things to us or about us, do we?” They nodded in agreement. “We are like this Velcro board. Things stick to us. Bad words people say to us, or bad things they say about us, even lies; they all stick to us.” I picked up the balls, and with each thing I highlighted, I threw a ball at the board, and it (thankfully) stuck to the board. “But when Jesus came, he asked us to love one another. To try and be kind to one another. He was made of a different kind of Velcro. So different, that bad things couldn’t stick to him.” At this, I picked up some non-stick toys and threw them at the board. They bounced right off the board and fell to the floor. “Jesus tried to teach us that we are only to let good things stick to us, and to also try to throw only good things at one another. The bad things are just to bounce off us, just like those non-stick toys. You can be like Jesus; you don’t have to let these bad things stick to you, and you don’t need to throw them at each other.” I stopped, and I’ll never forget the looks on their faces. It was precious. I’d kept their attention. They’d followed the point all the way to its conclusion, and the penny (or in this case, the haléř) had dropped. They made their peace – at least for that day…

When Jesus came, he upset a lot of the religious leaders of his day. He was made of a very different kind of Velcro to them. He could love unconditionally. He could forgive sins. He could heal the sick and raise the dead too. He had compassion on the poor and those in need. He was even willing to die for his friends. And now, he invites us to be like him and to do the same. But in order to do this we need to put on a new type of clothing, the kind of clothing that only he can provide. I’m almost certain that this clothing is made of some kind of heavenly Velcro. Of course, it only works when we ask Jesus for it and put it on. It will help us to love those who hate us. To be kind to those who swear at us, say bad things to us or about us, or who cheat on us. To give to those who ask of us. To forgive those who do the dirty against us. To do good to those who hassle us. This Velcro only lets the good things of God stick to us. It won’t allow the bad stuff to stick at all. It will all just fall away, or bounce harmlessly off us. However, this clothing is only for would-be superheroes, for in my opinion, it is given by the greatest superhero of all - Jesus.

It sure beats my old Batman outfit... :-)

An episode from Dr. House?

Last Tuesday I was not feeling well. As the day progressed I experienced some dizziness, and when I got home I discovered that I was also feeling nauseous...I couldn't even manage my afternoon snack! Wow, believe me, it was THAT serious! :-o Somehow I made it through the day...however, the next morning I awoke to something I can only describe as a 'fog in my head'...it was hard to think, let alone concentrate. The nausea was still present & when I got up I still felt dizzy. Not good. I couldn't even face breakfast until a couple of hours later when I forced something down. I was due to teach a couple of lessons but my wife assured me that I should come to the doctors surgery and take it from there...
In view of my bike accident from last week, the doctor was rightly concerned that I might be suffering from some kind of delayed reaction, such as concussion...so, she advised me to go to the main hospital (with Petra, who she excused from work - my own personal nurse to assist me!) to have it checked out.
For the next four hours (4!) I had a blood test, an ECG, a CT-Scan, and 3 X-rays (head, neck & spine) - all of which were interspersed with copious amounts of waiting...I realised, having seen a few episodes of Dr. House, that other than a lumber puncture, I had undergone most of what a 'typical House patient' goes through...I wonder...'Did I have Lupus?' I thought to myself... :-)
Waiting for anything is never a pleasant experience...if you're waiting for something good, well, you just CAN'T wait...can you?? :-) And if you're waiting for something bad? The sooner it's over, the better...Hospitals can be such depressing places to wait...but also inspiring...Realising that there are actually people who are suffering from far worse things than yourself is quite a humbling thing. You begin to 'look out' rather than 'look in'. Perhaps it's not such a bad thing to wait sometimes...
Finally, the doctor called us in & told me that the tests showed that all was well with my head and my brain - no sign of any problems...however, my blood tests did show that my 'natrium levels' were very low. Natrium? What on earth was that? 'Salt', Petra told me. My body was lacking in salt.
The doctor wanted to send me for further tests, but we agreed that 4 hours was enough for one day. In the car on the way to dropping Petra off to a seminar, we discussed the results. The only conclusion was that during the weekend, we had gone to the family cottage to help Maminka & also do some bird watching. I had been mowing the grass in the heat of the day, in direct sunlight (even though my head was covered)...and therefore I must have sweated out a lot of salt...
I got home & inspired by this revelation I took a handful of peanuts...and you know what? I felt surprisingly good later! I also had a surf on the internet for 'natrium deficiency symptoms' and was amazed to find that they corresponded exactly to what I'd been experiencing! It really is wonderful what information you can find on the net these days! :-) It appears that even though I drank a lot of water during the weekend, it still didn't compensate for my sodium/salt loss, which needed a bit more time to be replenished.
As Chief Inspector Clouseau would say: 'The Cas is Sol-ved' :-)

Not as sweet as it looks...

In the summer of 1980, my friend and I worked as kitchen porters and barmen in a hotel in the centre of the main promenade in Douglas on the Isle of Man. Our duties involved assisting the chef or cook with making the main meals, dishing up, and also with the washing up. We were kitchen porters ‘extraordinaire’. One day, the boss of the hotel, who fancied himself as a bit of a cook, covered for the main chef and decided to do his legendary apple pie for dessert. It was the height of summer and the hotel was full, which meant that we had about two hundred guests. He took unashamed pride in his apple pie, and the truth is it did look delicious. He served up and then the waitresses took it out to the expectant guests…but as quickly as they went out the one door, they returned in the other; back with a tray full of partially nibbled pies! Guests were complaining that it tasted awful. This was a mystery to us all. Such a slur on the boss’ famous apple pie surely could not be true. He investigated it immediately. It tasted salty. We all had a go and agreed – yes, it was salty.

Now you need to know that the salt and the sugar were both kept in large disinfected dustbins, and were both clearly labelled ‘salt’ and ‘sugar’. He tested them both and they seemed to be OK. But as he dug a little deeper into the sugar one, the unmistakable taste of salt greeted his unwelcoming taste buds! It looked like someone had mistakenly put the wrong condiments into the wrong dustbins. The boss took immediate action to try and remedy the situation, and so it was all hands on deck as we opened copious tins of fruit cocktail.

Meanwhile, outside at the dinner tables, the unfortunate recipients of the now infamous apple pie were longing to get rid of the horrible salty taste in their mouths… “Ah! Deep joy! Here comes the cavalry…” - the waitresses were bringing tea and coffee to the tables… “And perhaps an extra spoon of sugar will help to get rid of that disgusting taste…? Yes, something really sweet…” And so, the spoon delved into the sugar bowl…and into the cup…and it was given a good stir…and… “Yuck!” That was when we realised the full extent of the damage and just how widespread this disaster was. There wasn’t a sugar bowl on any of the tables that hadn’t been salted!

The epilogue to this story is that months after this event we found out that the bosses’ son had been responsible for this dirty deed. Having a grudge against us, he maliciously connived to get us the sack by doing such a prank. Thankfully, the boss didn’t fall for it...

Cycling...

It is only two years ago that I started to cycle - seriously...As a boy, it was something that never caught on with me - my balance has never been so good! When we moved to Czech Republic in 2001, a couple of times Petra tried to convince me of the 'joys' of cycling - and a couple of times on her 2-3 gear old bike failed to do that, especially up the hills!
But about 3 years ago, a visit to the doctors finally managed to convince me that cycling might actually be healthy for me...after all, my footballing days were coming to an end (no pace, dodgy knees) and much as I loved walking, I needed to do something more. A friend's brother (who is really into cycling) helped choose a bike for me (based on my size, weight etc) and that summer I took to the roads & cycle tracks...and have never looked back since (other than to check traffic, of course! :-))...Indeed, my wife reminds me that I was the man who said "I will NEVER go cycling!" (She still lives in hope that I'll go swimming...but that is as likely as Villa winning the European Cup!)
In fact, I have to say that I really enjoy cycling & have been eagerly awaiting some exercise after recovering from my gall bladder operation...It has surprised me how much I have missed something that I used to loathe...I am setting myself challenges - one of my dreams is to cycle from the family cottage (in Vysocina) back to Velka Bystrice - around 110 kms...(my record distance so far is 77 kms, last summer).
Over the last couple of weeks, I have taken to cycling to school...and yesterday I had my first ever cycling accident... :-o
I was coming from the school at Pasteurova and had the plan to come along to Zizkove Namesti, to turn left & go along the cycle path towards Novy Svet, and then in a roundabout way (via Velky Tynec) to VB...as I came down the road I checked behind me for traffic (all was clear) and then turned my head forward & got ready to indicate left...when to my horror I discovered that my wheels had unerringly wandered into the tram lines! It's hard to remember exactly what happened next - shock and panic were fighting for attention - but I think I fell on my right-hand side - HARD! Like a collapsing pack of cards. I remember my head hitting the floor violently. I was stunned. I'm not sure what happened next, but then there were 2 guys helping me - a middle-aged one & a younger one. The younger one talked with me - he was keen on knowing that my brain was working ok, which it seemed to be...it turned out he used to be a student at Pasteurova 12 years ago! :-) I took off my helmet and noticed 3 obvious cracks on the right hand side - he commented that it had almost certainly saved me from a serious injury. I also had grazes on my elbow, shoulder, and scratches on my knee...and incredibly, the bike looked fine - just a slight scratch on the frame! I definitely got the worst of it! I took about 5-10 mins to rest & get myself together. I declined a trip to the hospital & (perhaps foolishly) continued on my journey. By the time I got home I was hot, tired and very achy!

On reflection - I am so thankful to God that there was no traffic (cars or trams) when I went over...had there been, well, I might not be typing this now...I am also thankful for the invention of the cycling helmet! If you don't use one, PLEASE do so! And I am also very thankful that a complete stranger will stop to help & check that I'm ok, out of genuine concern, and no other motives. (Indeed, the young man contacted me on Facebook today to check that I was ok!)

Today is a new day - I am here to enjoy it...and I'm a little bit wiser about bikes & tram lines...sometimes, it seems in life that you have to learn the lesson practically (and not just in theory)...it's a painful lesson, but a worthy one.
Happy cycling!

THE GUITAR THAT CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!

It's been a week of guitar stories & video clips, and it reminds me of one of our old stories...which also has a point to it...

It was March 1998, and we were on our way to our honeymoon in the Lake District. We had booked a romantic week in a cottage in Eskdale, and I was packing the car in readiness for our long drive from Basingstoke. The last thing I put in, as it was such a delicate piece of equipment, was Petra’s beloved guitar. Now, I am not a musician and understand very little about playing music, and even less about caring for fragile musical instruments. As I put the guitar in the boot and closed it, it never occurred to me that I might have done something wrong. Only when we arrived in Eskdale later that day and we were unpacking did I realise something was seriously amiss. I pulled the guitar out, and the neck of it seemed to be hanging a bit loose in the case that it was in. It was wilting. I knew from The Beatles that guitars might 'gently weep'...but guitars don’t wilt. As we unzipped the case the full horror was revealed to us; the neck hung so loose that only the strings were holding the guitar together. I had inadvertantly broken its neck.

This guitar was Petra’s pride and joy. Well, it had been until I came along, but then I clumsily put my newly acquired status in jeopardy. She’d had it for a few years and it was very special to her. There was nothing else like it on this planet; maybe even the universe. Many of her friends had commented on how tuneful it was. She had a certain affinity with this guitar. What a great way to begin a honeymoon!

On returning to Basingstoke, we were told by a friend of a place called ‘Guitar Village’ in nearby Farnham, and he believed that they just might be able to restore Petra’s beloved guitar to its former glory. We went there and they gave it a quick once over, and pronounced that they should be able to repair it in about a week, and that it that it would cost us forty pounds. We went on our way, feeling slightly chuffed and more than a little hopeful.

Four weeks later, after a variety of lame excuses and stalling techniques by the repairman in answer to our regular telephone calls and ‘on-spec-see if it’s OK’ visits, he told us that it was a cheap guitar made of boxwood, and that it probably wasn’t worth the time and effort it would need to repair it. He advised us to give up on it. Quite why it had taken him four weeks to come to this conclusion, we don’t know. Petra swallowed the guitar-shaped lump in her throat. It was one thing to be told that he couldn’t do anything about it; but it was another to be told that ‘it wasn’t worth the effort’ and that it was ‘cheap’. The emotional attachments that we form with our possessions are not always valued or appreciated by repairmen. We concluded that we’d buy another one on our next visit to Czech Republic. We left the guitar to rest in peace at ‘Guitar Village’, imagining that they had a cemetery for guitars there, and we put it out of our minds. It was dead. It was finished.

The following week, on a Sunday, we came back from church in the morning to an unexpected answer machine message on our telephone. It was the repairman from ‘Guitar Village’ to tell us that Petra’s guitar was now repaired and was ready for collection. Hang on a minute; did we miss something here? For one thing, it was supposed to be dead and buried. What was there to repair? But also, we weren’t even aware that they were open on a Sunday. It was the day we least expected a call from them, if at all. We played the message back a couple of times, just to be sure that we hadn’t slipped into the ‘Twilight Zone’, before we called them to arrange going to collect it. Yes indeed, they confirmed that it was repaired. It was alive and well. With no explanation as to why he’d continued trying to repair it, he told us that he’d managed to fix it with a certain glue, and it had passed something called the ‘tension test’ and now it was fine. Feeling like we had passed the tension test, we breathed a very big sigh of relief. A couple of days later, Petra and her guitar were reunited and it only cost us thirty pounds. Not only had her guitar been resurrected, but we’d also got it cheaper than we’d been quoted too!

It was four months from the time I lopped off the head of the guitar with the car boot before Petra was able to resume playing it again. It was almost as good as it had been before its accident. It lasted for a few more years, but eventually it bit the sawdust. Even the combined powers of prayer and ‘Guitar Village’ were not enough to save it when the bridge parted company with the rest of it, and refused to be reconciled. It really is now in ‘Guitar Heaven’, although the memory of it is still very much alive in Petra’s heart. I’m not convinced by the traditional belief that when we die, we will all be sitting around on clouds plucking away at our harps. But I do have a sneaky feeling that when Jesus shows Petra the place he has prepared for her, tucked away among the many mansions of his Father’s house, she will find that old guitar nestling in a corner, waiting to make music again.

Lazarus was someone who died and came back from the dead. He was left in the tomb until he was well over-ripe. When Jesus eventually arrived at the tomb where he was buried, having left it deliberately late, just to make a point about him being the ‘resurrection and the life’, he asked the people there to roll away the stone from the tomb, and was told, as the old version of the Bible puts it so nicely, “Lord, he doth stinketh!” Undeterred by Lazarus’ body odour problems, Jesus called him and told him to come out of the tomb. Interestingly, I once heard an African preacher say that the reason Jesus called Lazarus by name is that if he had not been so specific, he had such power that all the dead would have risen from their tombs! He had to be specific. He only called Lazarus, and Lazarus did indeed rise from the dead, with his grave clothes still hanging off him. One minute, he was stinking and rotting; the next, he was running around the cemetery, perhaps feeling a little peckish. But alas, he didn’t go on to live for ever; not yet. He had to die again. Just like Petra’s guitar. 

Take Away Dog ;-)

OK, this story IS true! It is highly unusual, and for me, amusing...and I have this story verified on 2 counts! :-)
My wife's doctor has a friend who wanted a chihuahua and so she contacted someone who breeds them and got one for about 7,000kc. They had to travel to get it. On the way back, they stopped off at a petrol station to refill & whilst hubby was doing that, the wife took the dog out of the car for a little stretch on the nearby grass...just then, a bird of prey (probably a goshawk, maybe a peregrine) swooped down and carried off the dog - and there was 7,000kc flying off into the distance! A new angle on take-away food :-)
During one of my seminars, one student was telling me a story about a good friend of his who is a 'business entrepreneur' - the kind of young man who is always dreaming up new schemes to make money. He invested in chihuahuas and bred them...and his friend told him this very same story!
Therefore, I am convinced that this story is true! :-)

Get me to the church on time!

On Saturday we had an invitation to the wedding of our friend, Nick, who after a long, long search had finally found a wife whilst at Bible School in Slovakia - Miska. The wedding took place at a church in Bratislava & was due to be at 14.00. We'd never been to Bratislava before, but calculated that it would take about 2-2 and a half hours to get there, so we left about 10.30-ish to allow ourselves plenty of time - maybe even to have a look around at the castle which was nearby. It was a beautiful day, though very warm. We cruised through Czech Republic along the bumpity-bump delights of the legendary D1 motorway. If you have a back problem, this stretch of concrete should iron out the niggle...and if you don't have a back problem, it might give you one! We were soon into Slovakia and heading towards Bratislava...and then we hit the traffic jam at around 12.20...Thus began an agonising crawl towards our destination! There was traffic coming both ways through the small town of Stupava. We barely managed to move out of 2nd gear, and most of the time we had the engine switched off as we came to regular standstills.
As time passed, we (especially me!) became more desperate. Nick had waited so long to meet a wife...and I had shared some of this waiting time with him...was I to be robbed of the honour of seeing this momentous occasion!?! At 13.45, still on the outskirts of Bratislava, I uttered a heartfelt & desperate, almost angry prayer - "Surely not today, God! Not today!" Suddenly, we had a policeman in front of us - he'd been directing the traffic through a major junction. He waved us on, and then stopped the traffic behind us...and then there was a clear dual carriageway ahead of us! After nearly an hour and a half of suffocating in this horrendous jam, we were moving like the wind. Petra navigated with our map (she is my personal GPS!), and we just kept going. Eventually, we stopped at some lights & were pondering which way to go next. I saw a sign for the castle so we turned up there...as we did so, Petra noticed this was indeed THE road that we wanted! Shortly, we saw the church on our right! I immediately turned into the next road, we parked the car, trotted down the hill, got to the church (where the bride & her father were waiting - apparently, she'd got there 20 minutes earlier!), and sat down in the pew - it was precisely 14.00!! Amazing! (We were later to find out that other people were late & indeed some didn't even make it due to the traffic jams...)
And it was a wedding well worth getting there for - a beautiful time, and we wish Nick & Miska God's blessing in their journey ahead together.
But I also learnt something that day...
As a Christian, it's easy to think that when we pray, we have to be very correct & proper...perhaps even polite when we speak to God. But sometimes, when you need help, you've got to SHOUT OUT for help! And indeed, God does hear the cry of desperate people. Our case wasn't so serious, but I know from my life that desperate situations do require desperate praying...

Guess who's coming to dinner?

A funny & true story...
My mother told me that she'd been speaking with one of her neighbours whose son kept a pet boa constrictor...(as one does ;-)). He'd been to see the vet because the snake had stopped eating for about 2-3 weeks, and he thought it was dying. The vet looked at the snake and asked the man where he kept the snake. "In my bedroom." "Well," said the vet "I'm sorry to inform you that you'll have to move the snake somewhere else. You see, you are its next meal!" Apparently, when a boa fancies a big meal, it starves itself to make room for it! If the guy hadn't checked it out with the vet, he could easily have been breakfast...dinner...and supper! :-)

Some highlights from Maturita 2011 :-)

So, another year of exams has finished, and before I elaborate on my thoughts about the new State Maturita, I want to reflect on some of the more amusing moments from the exams...:-) Hope you enjoy reading them!

• one student told us how they collected mosquitoes! Really! Part of a science experiment, I think...
• one told us about how they 'jumped out of a plane' and described the sensation of flying in such a way that I could feel I was there!
• not so amusing...one girl couldn't recognise the Twin Towers with a plane in them...amongst other things, it led to the downfall in her English exam... :-o
• the student who brought his newly removed wisdom tooth with him, as if to prove he'd been to the dentist earlier! :-)
• a student was searching for the name of the flower that appears in spring...Miss V tried to prompt him..."Snow...?" "Snow...?" She dropped her pen on the table...He still didn't get it! "Snowdrop!" she said...(I turned to Mrs G & said, I thought it was 'snowpen'!!)
• The discovery that some students learn English from Yoda in Star Wars...For example, instead of saying 'I don't travel', they said, 'Travel not...' :-)
• A couple of students told us about Junkie Food...when they meant junk food... (I hope!) - for an English mind, it conjours up an interesting picture...what kind of food does a Junkie eat?! L.S.D man! (Liver, Sauce & Dumplings)...or perhaps some 'pickled heroin' (pickled herrings)...
• the student who informed us that in the London parks they have 'carpet grass'...it took me a few seconds to realise she meant a 'lawn'... :-o
• the wonderful story of a student who, at the age of 6 yrs old, asked his teacher to explain the mysteries of physics, and what gravity was. She told him that the earth was like a magnet, and that is why we stuck to it...He was not satisfied with this as humans are not made of metal...to which the teacher repsonded by saying that 'it's the spinach we eat which gives us the iron to keep us on the planet...'!!! (she referred the student to a psychiatrist because of this!! But I think it should have been the other way around!)
• one student was able to use a quotation in his talk - "Order is the grave of creativity..." How very true!
• the student who when asked to describe a picture of a room which was messy, said "I'd like to ask who took a picture of my room!" :-)
• and finally, the student who was describing the tradition at a Czech Wedding Feast, where the bride & groom feed each other by saying, "...and then they eat each other..." !!! :-)

How do you test a language?

Before I find time to write up my thoughts about the Maturita Exams, I'd like to chew this for a bit...
Just what is the best way, if one exists, to test a language? I guess (as a realtively novice teacher) that the purpose of teaching is to educate students, and at some point you have to find out if that teaching is working. As I'm a simple man, it goes something like this:

• I'm an English teacher.
• I want to teach English to students. They are (generally) quite motivated and want to learn.
• There is this thing called a cirriculum (which can be the troublesome part as it seems to be designed by people who have no concept of what constitutes being 'important' when coming into contact with English speaking people (for example, it is REALLY necessary to learn 15 types of herbs & the all the names of the fountains in Olomouc (even if a couple of them no longer exist?!))
• At various points during the terms, I try to 'test' my students English - usually with an essay or a short (2-3 min) talk on a topic (from the cirriculum) but from a non-typical angle (for example: not to recite a recipe to me including certain herbs, but to tell me about their relationship with food - which is what most people in England find it easy to talk about & seems to be a normal way of life...)
• Then, at the end of the year come the final exams - the Maturita...which this year was a little bit more complicated as it involved both School Exams (supposedly easier) and State Exams (supposedly harder)

And this is my question for now...just what should this exam be like?

• What should it consist of? Speech? Writing? Listening? Reading? Singing? :-)
• And what topics SHOULD be on the cirriculum? I would consider this to be a VERY important part...
• And if that can be agreed, then what form should each part take? As a case in point, let us use (for an example) the current situation - the School Exam (15 mins talk on ONE topic with some grammar (in Eng or Cz, depends on the teacher or student...sometimes (depending on the teacher!) this grammar part can take up almost half of the exam!) And the other option is the State Exam (15 mins, broken into 4 parts which cover 4 different topics (from a similar but slightly different list) which all have strict time limits:
• - part 1: a topic with questions
• - part 2: comparing pictures concerning another topic & giving an opinion on a statement about it
• - part 3: the 'main' topic - 2-3 mins of 'free' speech and then some 'controlled dialogue' with the teacher
• - part 4: role play about another different topic

OK, this is where we are now...and it looks like the shape of things for the next couple of years at least (because of Czech legislation)...but is this the best that there is?
Any suggestions from you bright minds out there? :-)

Been a while since I wrote...

Sometimes life just gets so busy & plain overtakes you. The desire to write is squeezed out by too many things happening, and then when a gap comes to write about it, the need to reflect, rest & just do other things further presses in on the creative side...
I have so many things to write about - but I'm just logging in today, as I near the end of 2 weeks of rather stressful & even emotional examining, to say that I am still here & that I haven't forgotten that I need to get all of this stuff out of me...perhaps a big splurge will come sometime next week? :-)
In the past few months, I've had some pains which ended up with my gall bladder being taken out & some unusual stones as a momento...then time to recuperate which coincided with a glorious spring, which also coincided with the acquisition of a telescope & new digital camera (to further us along the road of amateur bird watchers!).
Then on my return, some of my classes came to an end as they neared their 'holy week' preparation for the Maturita - the school leaving exam...a fun time, but also tinged with sadness...but it happens each year. I'm not sure that I ever get used to it, but it's a fact of my life that I live with for now.
Now the exams - the drama and nerves and success and failure...not to mention the stress and pressure for the teachers using the new State Exams (which I will post about another time...) - yes, at this moment, I feel quite tired, and a bit numb...I think I prefer to teach than examine. I can't wait to get back in with a class of students :-)
After this week, a little over 5 weeks to go and then the long summer holidays begin! Something to look forward to...but in the meantime, a lot to reflect on.
Be patient, dear readers & followers....something is coming on this blog...I promise ;-)

The hamster story...

Last Tuesday I had what was surely one of the strangest seminars since I have been here... :-)
A student began by telling me the story of some friends (by the way, she assures me that she knows the family!) - they went on holiday for a week abroad...leaving their pet hamster alone. On their return, they found out that the hamster had escaped from his cage...and there he was - stuck to the fridge! Apparently, the poor creature didn't have any food...in it's desperation it got out & searched for food...and found a small fridge magnet...ate it...and somehow became attached to the fridge...and couldn't get off, and died either from starvation or magnetic poisoning :-( I kid you not!!
I have searched the net, but found nothing to suggest that this is an Urban Legend...though one student told me he heard this story over the New Year on Czech TV...but heard it was true too...
Then another student told us how her family hamster also escaped, when she was younger...and someone was running the bath...They couldn't find the hamster until they went to turn the taps off & found the poor hamster - drowned in the bath :-(
I'd be interested to know if anyone has heard of the hamster with a magnetic personality!