Maturita mistakes and other oddities - 2014 - Part 2

And here we go with the 2nd part :-)

Sometimes, health can be a problem for some students:
“Some children can have German muscles.” (Which, combined with man flu, could be lethal!)

“And some people can get man flu, which can’t be cured.” (I am glad that some of my teaching was remembered!!)

“I fell over and had a brain shake.” (Not quite like a milk shake...)

“I like to get out in the countryside and clean my head.” (Me? I use a shower...)

“I went to the dentist and he drilled me. The doctor check up me, and he hear my heart.” (Not sure I’ll be visiting either of those doctors in the near future!)

It’s also very refreshing when students can use genuine humour in their talks:
Teacher: (provocatively) “Have you ever eaten a horse?” Student: (who is a big fan of My Little Pony) “No, I’ve never been to Ikea.”

During the role play section of the State Exam, a student said to Mrs T, when discussing what to wear to the cinema, – “Well, if you want, we can go naked!”

Me: “Who is a smart teacher, who dresses well?” Student: “You, when you wear a dress!” (It was quickly made clear that I never wear dresses, and when the student referred to what I was wearing, I informed him it was a suit ;-) )

One student also told us a story about how he liked to shop in Prague, and in this one particular shop that was a favourite of his, he went in one day and found the owner, sitting with his leg in an aquarium, and letting the fish nibble at the old flesh on his leg! He assured us it was NOT piranhas!

One student, when talking about being responsible for communicating on trips abroad with her family said, – “I speak German with my hair, French with my eyes, and English with my mouth.”

Another student informed us that, “Journalists shouldn’t tell the truth!” (I’m not totally clear if that was a joke or not!?!)

Teacher: (to student who was talking about food and eating, and who hadn’t eaten anything all morning...) “What will you eat when you finish (maturita)?” “Everything!”

And it isn’t always students! The young male předseda commented in our ‘porada’ that he knew when a student had done well, because I would change my glasses and put my pen down! :-) For future students, this is always a good sign!

Me, in discussion with a student about the legendary Golden Pig of Christmas... “Who cares about the golden pig when there are cookies?!”

But back to more disasters...
Teacher: “What is that on your jacket?” Student: “A budgie.” (Cool...but it was actually a badge)

Student, looking at a picture of a dingo – “This is a Tasmanian devil.” And then looking at a picture of cricket. “It is lacrosse.” Teacher: “No. It is cricket. And do you know what the player has in his hands?” Student: “A striking stick.” (Well, perhaps light sabre might have been funnier!?!)

Student, talking about Canada – “In Canada, we can find grizzly beers.” (Well, you might feel a bit grizzly after a few such beers...)

Student: “The Statue of Liberty (which was also called The statue of Librity by another student) is holding a torch and a tablet.” (And does she have a Wifi connection?)

Student: “Men are cookers.”

Student: “I’m boring…” (This really is NOT a good introduction...though I think the student meant to say that the subject, Literature, was boring for them... ;-) )

Student: “In autumn trees lose their letters.”

Student: “I like junkie food.” (This is an old favourite, comes up every year! Yeah man...look at the colours...)

Student: “I did it two for half times a year.” (Which basically means, I did it twice a year)

Student: “In Madame Tussards are pictures and works of art.” (Sort of...kind of...)

Student: “I have read some books from Jane Austen…” (Really??!! Books BY Jane Austen is one thing...but to get books FROM her...wow, that IS scary!! :-O )

And an example of Vinnetou/Cookie Monster English - “We will go some camping. I will take with us some friends.”

And Hemingway, and his famous Old Man and the Sea does not escape!!
Student: “Fishman catch big whale.” (As clear and concise a definition as I’ve ever heard on the topic!)

Student: “The fish was a skelet…” (Wow! The sharks had eaten SO much of the marlin that there were not even enough letters for the word ‘skeleton’!)

Student: “Nobody trusts that old man do something so big.” (Ok, YOU translate that! :-) )

Comprehension can be a serious problem. I cannot emphasise enough the need to listen carefully to the questions that teachers ask...
Teacher: “Do you like P.E?” Student: “It is important to learn to work with computers….”

Teacher: “Would you like to be a professional sports person?” Student: “A climber.” (Well, let’s dispense with chit-chat, eh?)

We also heard that there was a “Russian Rution”, and that there were ‘Judish’ people, that some students ‘beer und lemonade’ (German English), and they ‘like a-dancing’ (Italian English). Another student, wanting to be sure how many days were in the month, counted her knuckles, which taught me something new! But you know, even teachers make mistakes (and they, like the students, will remain nameless!)

Teacher – “Before they drink, they get drunk...” (Nice trick, if you can do it...)

And the same teacher also pronounced ‘creatures’ as ‘kre-a-tures’…and then the student copied them! And yes, I heard some teachers saying ‘com-for-table’!!!

And in closing, I would like to end with this note. In discussing something that they didn’t like, a student said, “It’s not my cup of coffee.” I challenged it, because this is the 3^rd time recently that I’ve heard such a phrase! Usually, in England, we say, ‘It’s not my cup of tea.’ So, I asked the student if they drank coffee, and they said no. So, I informed them that saying ‘not my cup of coffee’ could be a neat way of dealing with it, if only they drank it...otherwise, it’s a bit of a nonsense...Has anyone else experienced this?