Reading about the Pope's visit to England reminded me of this joke:
Schultzy was a man who claimed to know everyone that was famous in the world. There wasn’t anyone he didn’t know. He would sit watching the TV with his friend, and someone famous like Madonna, would come on the TV screen and he would point and say, “Oh yeah, Madonna, I know her!” It would be the same for whichever star came on the screen. This behaviour drove his friend to distraction, and after enduring it for some time he decided that it was time to confront Schultzy about the unreality of his situation. “Schultzy, you’ve got to stop doing this! It’s not real. It’s not true. You do not know these people. It’s not possible. Just who do you think you are?” “But I do know them,” Schultzy replied. “No you don’t,” argued his friend, “You’re making it up. It’s impossible for you to know all these famous people. You’re just a nobody!” Schultzy was hurt, but continued protesting, “I’m sorry, but I do know them!” Then his friend had an idea. “I’ll tell you what, if I can prove to you that you don’t know any famous people, will you stop saying that you do?” “OK,” Schultzy pondered. “How do I prove it?” “I’ve got three chances,” his friend continued “I’ll name three famous people, and if I can prove that you don’t know at least one of them, then you will stop this nonsense. Agreed?” “Sounds simple enough,” said Schultzy, “Who’s first?” “President Obama! You can’t possibly know him!” “Sure I do!” exclaimed Schultzy, and off they went to the White House in Washington D.C. They knocked on the door, which opened, and there was President Obama. “Schultzy!” he cried, “How are you doing? Come in!” he said, ushering him in like a long lost friend. Schultzy’s friend was astounded. They had tea and cakes with Obama. It was surreal!
After they left, Schultzy’s friend said, “OK, you got lucky on the first one, but I’ve still got two chances. What about the British Queen, Elizabeth? You can’t possibly know her!” “Oh yeah, me and Queen Elizabeth go back a long way,” replied Schultzy. And so, they flew to London, got a taxi to Buckingham Palace, and went and knocked on the door. The door opened and there stood Queen Elizabeth, exclaiming, “Schultzy, it’s so good to see you. How are you?” As it was nearly four o’clock she invited them in for cucumber sandwiches and tea and cakes, and Schultzy’s friend was in awe as Schultzy and Queen Elizabeth talked about old times…
This was too much for his friend. “Schultzy, I don’t know how you do it, but I’m determined to prove that you can’t know everybody. I’ve still got one chance… What about the Pope? You can’t know the Pope, surely!?” “Oh yeah, I know the Pope,” Schultzy responded, very confidently. So they flew to the Vatican, but when they got there, Schultzy said to his friend, “You won’t be able to come into the Vatican with me, but I’ll go inside and see the Pope, and him and me will come out onto that balcony there, we’ll give a wave to you, and then we’ll go back inside and I’ll come down and meet you here.” “This I’ve got to see,” said his friend.
He waited outside, and sure enough it wasn’t long before Schultzy and the Pope appeared together on the balcony, arms around each others shoulders, waving to the crowds below. When Schultzy had finished he came out to meet his friend in the square, but couldn’t see him anywhere. Eventually, he came across a group of people gathered around someone lying on the floor - it was Schultzy’s friend. He’d fainted.
Schultzy helped revive him and said, “I’m sorry if the shock was too much for you, but I told you I really do know these people.” “It’s not that,” said his friend, “But when you and the Pope came on the balcony, all the people around me were saying, ‘Who’s that guy in the white with Schultzy?’!”
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